i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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