I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
