im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
