remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
