Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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