you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
