i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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