she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
