They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
