Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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