You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
