just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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