Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
