Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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