there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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