You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
