Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
