well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
