the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
