Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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