Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
