He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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