how can u be prego again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
