I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
