dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
