spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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