no, he came in my armpit
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she pinky promised me she was 18
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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