my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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