Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
