so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
