saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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