Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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