Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
