True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
