I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
