So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
