I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Houston, we have a squirter
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
