WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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