My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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