you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
