If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
