She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
