I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
