Banned from zoo.
Again?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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