Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You're like the curious george of whores
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
