You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
