Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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