my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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