thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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