come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
