Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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