So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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