were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We named our party play list daddy issues
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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