That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
