who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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