he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
