I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
