Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
