wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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