I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
