we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
