At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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