I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
