He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
