guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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