I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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