New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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