Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize