two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
