I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
