My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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