And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
