singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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