Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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